Old enough to know better

Every so often, I resurrect the story of the day I was in Sobey's, looking carefully over the lovely selection of in-store-baked bread, when a store employee came up to me and said kindly, "Do you need any help, dear?"

I'm capable of giving a very withering glare – I know that because I've been told by some people who have been on the receiving end – and I thought about it but I desisted. She was trying to be nice so I was nice back: "Do you mean do I need help choosing my bread?" I asked disingenuously. I think she caught a certain edge in my voice because she smiled a little coolly and told me to let her know if I needed anything.

I come from the Miramichi and I have lots of friends and relatives in Cape Breton so I'm very familiar with the use of the word "dear" as a verbal punctuation mark. But I can tell when the person using it can barely resist patting me on the head at the same time and that's when I take offence.

As you can tell, I'm sensitive to being stereotyped as a dotty old lady. I'm not there yet.

A friend and I have been aware for a few years that if, God forbid, something happens while we're driving, we will – no matter who or what has caused the incident – be referred to as "the elderly driver." "Elderly" drivers are getting younger; I saw one a few days ago who was 68.

There’s a video going around on Facebook that I won’t even open that shows two oldsters shakily dancing together and comments underneath saying many variations of “aww, so cute.” I hate that!

We went to see the movie Grandma earlier this evening. It stars Lily Tomlin and is clearly a "vehicle" for Lily.

We enjoyed the movie – I wasn’t sure if I would. I love and trust Lily but I’m always – see above – a little worried about how older women will be portrayed and whether it will be condescending and there will be people leaving the theatre wishing they could pat her on the head.

It wasn't like that at all. Lily’s character was only a little over-the-top – lots of bad words and hitting (with a hockey stick) an obnoxious teenage boy where it hurts and standing up fearlessly to bullies and other boors. It was fun but it was serious too. I think we would say that once again, Lily has lived up to her real-life persona and in this movie, she was surrounded by an interesting collection of non-stereotypes of all ages.

It came at a good time as I’ve just watched the first two seasons of Last Tango in Halifax and I loved it. In that series, the older couple — in their 70s — are real and multi-dimensional. They are much more than just old. They live real lives with real problems and real pleasures. They can be flirtatious and romantic and they can be impatient and angry.

They don’t talk about their ailments at all – except when it’s appropriate. And they're no more forgetful than their 45-year-old children!