Friday, January 22, 2016

Answer me this

Just a few questions. Routine, nothing serious.

Were you the one, in the last little while, who made a statement something like this?

"When I heard that, I spit my water out all over my keyboard."

Did this really happen? When it happened, did you realize that you had probably ruined your keyboard? How long did it take before you noticed you were typing gibberish and the reason probably had something to do with all that water dripping down between the keys? Did you have to call the computer repair place?

Moving on: Were you also the one who said:

"I was laughing so hard, I snorted my tea up my nose."

What kind of distress did this cause? Did you choke? Was there anyone there to pound you on the back as you tried to catch your breath? Did the tea leave a stain on whatever clothing you were wearing?

You probably realize I'm being facetious and asking these stupid questions because I don't think these statements are intended to be taken literally. At the risk of sounding too proper and fastidious, I find them to be quite nauseating images. I think they have a very strong eww-factor.

I haven't looked for an illustration for another revolting declaration that shows up way too often:

"That bothered me so much, I threw up a little bit in my mouth."

I have heard/read this many many times. I wish I hadn't heard it the first time and if I ever hear it again, it will be too soon. I would love it if you would keep that sentiment to yourself.

But. . .it's a free country and you can say whatever you want. I know it's not a very important thing to complain about and it probably won't bother me so much now that I've shared it.

I feel better already.

No comments:

Post a Comment